A Shameful Way People Damage Their Relationships (and What to Do About It)

Do you ever preach at people in your conversations with them?

Knowing they hold a conflicting or opposing viewpoint than your own, do you ever put in an effort to try to show them the errors in thinking and try to correct or even “enlighten” them?

And taking it deeper…

Do you see it as your obligation or perhaps even your mission to convert people to what you believe is the truth, something to which you think the other person is ignorant of?

And finally, do you see this as doing them a great service or favor?

If so, would you like to learn about how people are secretly rejecting your attempts to convert them internally, even though they may not voice this reality to your face, and why they’re actually itching to leave your presence when you behave in this way?

Furthermore, are you open to changing yourself, and thus, the results you get from others?

Let me ask you this:

Have you ever had someone insult your intelligence in this regard?

Specifically, have you ever had someone “look down” on you and almost treat you like you’re “stupid” just because you didn’t believe what they did, and they practically chastised you for not sharing in their beliefs?

You know, did they ramble on about how people who don’t share their beliefs are clueless, ignorant idiots, indicating between their words that you belong in this very same group of people?

It’s a pretty unpleasant and insulting experience, isn’t it?

So if you find it offensive, wouldn’t it be a wise thing to avoid inflicting the same sort of experience on others?

Wouldn’t it be a good idea to avoid offending people over a mere difference of opinion or belief?

After all, what good comes of it?

How does it profit you?

What benefit do you receive by preaching your “doctrine” or promoting your beliefs to people, only to earn their hidden contempt for you?

If you entertain these questions, won’t you find that the only benefit of preaching at people and trying to convert them to our beliefs is that it makes us feel superior?

Don’t we tend to feel elevated above the herd?

Isn’t this a matter of our egos and satisfying our own “intellectual vanity”?

But how are others responding to us when we preach at them?

And is it worth that price?

What do they really think about this approach and us for using it?

If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of this kind of behavior, haven’t you already discovered that not only do we internally reject peoples’ attempts to convert us, but we also end up harboring hidden resentment for them for “putting us down” so they can feel better or smarter than us?

Don’t we look at people who adamantly push their beliefs on us and make us feel stupid for not sharing them off-putting and repulsive?

So how do we approach people who have different beliefs than us, ones that we disagree with or even think are “wrong”?

Well, does it matter?

If someone has different beliefs than you, what difference does it make to you?

Does it really bother you that much that they’re not on the same page as you in every single respect?

Can’t you accept people’s differing beliefs – without the need to try to challenge, change or “correct” them?

Why not focus on the things you have in common with them instead, instead of making an issue of the differences, preaching at them and perhaps even getting into a heated debate where emotions grow strong only to likely end with much bitterness and resentment?

Wouldn’t it be a better idea to steer the conversation away from the beliefs you don’t share in common and instead guide the conversation onto topics that are mutually accepted?

Isn’t it wise to accept that not everyone’s going to share our beliefs, and simply accept people for having different views – without the need to refute their viewpoints?

I mean, haven’t we all heard the saying, “A person’s convinced against their will is of the same opinion still”?

Because it’s true – no matter how much we argue or debate and no matter how good our arguments might be, it still doesn’t have an impact on changing others beliefs, does it?

If you want to maintain strong and close connections with people, and if you’ve been in the habit of trying to convert people who don’t believe what you do to your beliefs, why not start taking a different approach?

Why not resolve to let others have their beliefs without challenging them?

When conflicting or opposing beliefs appear in your conversations, why not ignore them and change the subject at the first opportunity?

We generally don’t enjoy listening to people talking about their beliefs, ones that we don’t share, and doesn’t it often lead to us disagreeing and forming arguments with them inside our heads even if we don’t voice our true reactions?

So why not simply and smoothly change the topic, and talk about what the two of you have in common instead?

This way, you avoid listening to something you disagree with, and you also avoid getting into a heated debate or argument where feelings become hostile. Instead, you keep the connection strong and filled with only positive emotions.

 


 

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