The Top Quality to Look for in a Long-Term Partner and Why It’s So Important

Aren’t disagreements and even arguments almost an inevitable part of being in a relationship with someone?

Aren’t they bound to come up?

And furthermore, can’t they be damaging to your relationship in the sense that, at least temporarily, they destroy the connection you have with your partner, and likely leave you both feeling ill towards each other for some time afterwards?

But have you ever asked yourself what’s responsible for such disagreements and arguments?

What is it that causes them to arise in our relationships?

And what are their usual outcomes?

And also, can they be prevented – thus retaining the peace and harmony between the pair of you instead of sacrificing it through an argument?

Well, how do these situations usually unfold?

Doesn’t it usually start with one partner, let’s say a boyfriend, acting in a way that is unacceptable or a turn-off to his girlfriend?

And what does she do?

How does she respond to his behavior?

Might she not start pointing out his faults, likely even in a critical, disapproving, and condemning kind of way, hoping it will get him to change?

But how is he likely to react to this?

Isn’t it likely that he’ll refuse to acknowledge what he did “wrong” and start defending himself by denying the criticism or else giving explanations, trying to justify the reasons why he acted the way he did, all in hopes of “getting off the hook”?

But what does this usually result in?

If you look at the process, isn’t this exactly how arguments get started in the first place?

Isn’t it their exact “structure”?

And as a result, aren’t both parties now on opposing sides, trying to argue and convince each other that the other person is wrong or is the one to blame for the disagreement?

And now isn’t the connection completely destroyed, and the longer the argument continues, the bitterer and more resentful the feelings grow toward each other?

But what’s the end result?

Isn’t it ill-will and hostility towards each other?

Isn’t it a pretty big crack in the relationship?

Well, wouldn’t it be great to completely remove or prevent these kinds of arguments from springing up in your relationship altogether?

Would you like to know how that’s possible?

There’s a secret to making this circumstance a reality, and it lies in finding a partner who already possesses a very specific quality.

This quality prevents petty quarreling over each others’ “bad behaviors.”

Want to know what it is?

It’s simply this:

Self-awareness.

After all, what is self-awareness?

Isn’t it having the ability to see ourselves objectively, as we truly are, and to recognize how our behaviors impact or affect others, whether for better or worse?

Isn’t it having the capacity to recognize the ways in which we behave and what kind of emotional responses those behaviors tends to trigger in others, often instinctively?

For example, what if someone punched you in the face?

Wouldn’t you instinctively get angry at them?

And isn’t it because such behavior naturally triggers that emotional response in you simply because you’re human?

Well, is it really so different with other, less extreme behaviors?

Can’t they still generate undesirable emotional responses in us?

But what if you choose a partner who possesses a lot of self-awareness?

Won’t they already know ahead of time what behaviors will elicit unwanted responses in you and tactfully not enact them, thus short-circuiting an argument before it even has a chance to begin?

Furthermore, did you know that self-aware people don’t respond negatively to criticism?

Like the “structure of arguments” we discussed earlier, isn’t the root of the problem that one partner does something off-putting to the other one, and when that partner tries to bring the undesirable behavior to their attention by criticizing them, they refute and deny it, which just leads to a full-blown back and forth argument over who’s right and who’s wrong?

But how does a self-aware person handle being criticized for their behavior, the very seed of most of these kinds of arguments?

If you’ve ever met one, don’t they actually listen to people who criticism them to see if there’s any truth to what their critic may be saying?

And if there is truth to it, don’t they actually use that criticism to improve or correct themselves and their behavior to make their personalities more pleasing and attractive?

If you want to be in a relationship where arguments getting started over what you’re partner is doing “wrong” are non-existent, the secret is to find a partner who values and possesses high levels of self-awareness.

The reason is two-fold:

First, they will already know all the major things that start arguments in other peoples’ relationships and avoid instigating such things in yours.

Second, they will actually listen to you when you criticize them, instead of immediately resorting to defending themselves and getting argumentative, and then they will consider if what you’re saying of them is true and is a reason to make some changes to themselves.

These are the benefits of getting into a relationship with someone who possesses self-awareness.

But how do you go about finding such a partner?

How do you know when a potential partner possesses a high degree of self-awareness?

Well, why not test them, particularly early on in the relationship?

Then you know immediately if it’s worth investing more time into them – if what you want is to find a great long-term partner where the petty arguments will be minimal or even non-existent.

Now, I generally don’t recommend criticizing people as a rule of thumb, but if you’re doing it for a higher purpose, I’d be willing to make an exception.

And what is that exception?

To find out what level of humility and self-awareness someone has.

So what do you do, if you want to discover if a person possesses such qualities?

Simply this:

Gently criticize them for some of their behavior – anything you can come up with – and then watch carefully how they react or respond to it!

If you’re dealing with someone who lacks self-awareness, they will immediately deny your allegations, claiming you’re wrong and then start trying to argue with you to prove to you that they’re right.

But if you’re dealing with someone who possesses humility, they will remain calm, think about what you said about them, and maybe say something like: “Hmm … that’s an interesting opinion.”

They’ll know if what you’re saying about them is right or wrong, but won’t make any further issue of it either way it goes.

If what you want is a great long-term relationship, I would highly recommend you keep these things in mind. In your search for an amazing long-term partner, I suggest you value the qualities of humility and self-awareness above all else in a partner as far as their character goes.

People who possess these traits generally don’t argue with you when they’re criticized. But people who lack them do.

Finding someone with self-awareness will prevent you from experiencing petty arguments over what each of you is doing “wrong” in your relationship.

 

 


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