January 1st, 2018

What to Say to People Who Give You Annoying Unsolicited Advice

Do you ever have people give you advice you never asked them for?

If so, and if you’re honest with your emotions, how did it make you feel?

Didn’t you ultimately feel a little victimized by it?

Didn’t it make you feel somewhat small and inferior to the person giving it, because they framed themselves in a way that made them look like they had superior knowledge and wisdom than you, even if you knew they didn’t know what they were talking about?

Well, what’s the best way to deal with this situation?

How do we communicate to people who give us unsolicited advice that it’s something we refuse to accept and tolerate because we want to keep our sense of self-respect?

After all, if we let someone give it to us without protest or making an issue of it, aren’t we essentially letting them place themselves in the “superior” position in our relationship with them?

Aren’t we allowing them to “look down” on us?

And is that a position you want to be in – in the “inferior” role?

Do you want the other person to think you have less experience and insight than themselves, and most importantly that you are incapable of handling yourself and your own problems and trials?

Let me ask you this…

Have you ever thought about the reason people give others unsolicited advice?

What’s the motive behind their words?

What do they hope to gain by giving advice?

I’ve discovered that what people think is the reason they give it is very different from the real reason they give it.

So why do they think they give it?

And why do they really give it?

If you investigate these questions, you will discover that the reason people think they give unsolicited advice is because they want to help you. That’s what they honestly believe is the truth of the matter. But they’ve deceived themselves, because if you dig deeper and penetrate the surface, you will come to the realization that what people really want is to feel important.

What they really want is praise and recognition for having much knowledge and wisdom.

So even though people think they’re doing it for selfless reasons, aren’t their true motive actually completely selfish?

In a sense, aren’t they “taking advantage” of us to inflate their own egos?

And isn’t that a little bit manipulative?

So what’s the best way to handle yourself when someone gives you unsolicited advice?

I’ve observed that there are two scenarios where people give others unsolicited advice, and our response is dependent on which one it is.

First, for some people, this is their automatic response when we dump our complaints on them and whine about our problems.

The very best way to avoid having people give you unsolicited advice is to never gripe and complain about your trials and issues, especially if they’re petty.

If you do, you’re just opening the door to people giving you unsolicited advice.

Second, people give unsolicited advice when they perceive we have a problem or they think we’re doing something that isn’t producing the results they think we should get or have.

This situation cannot be avoided. But it can be dealt with effectively.

And how do you deal with it?

There are two great ways. The method you use is dependent upon whether or not you want them to know you found their unsolicited advice insulting and offensive.

If you want to keep things civil and not reveal your contempt for them and their behavior, two great ways to handle the situation are to simply say:

“Maybe I’ll think about it.”

Or:

“Don’t worry; I got this covered.”

In the first instance, you’ll likely to cause them to doubt the value of their advice. But most importantly, you’ll communicate to them that you can handle yourself.

And in the second instance, you’re inadvertently communicating to them that they’re meddling in your affairs and it’s time to stop.

However, if you want to make it very clear to someone who gives you unsolicited advice that it’s definitely not welcome, here’s what I would suggest…

Ask them this:

“Who made you my therapist?”

Or else even make fun of them and laugh at them:

“Okay – so we got Dr. Phil over here. Ha ha.”

Dealing with people who give you unsolicited advice in these two prescribed ways will strongly communicate to someone who gives it to you that you refuse to let them place you in an “inferior” position in relation to themselves.

It communicates that you refuse to let others look down on you and view you as incompetent or inadequate.

Finally, let me close by asking you this:

Have you ever contemplated that how we respond to others treating us like we’re helpless victims incapable of looking after ourselves, as in the case of unsolicited advice, determines whether or not they will continue to see us that way?

If we make a stand, won’t it force them to realize that they were wrong about their assumptions about us?

And isn’t that an important and worthwhile thing to do?

If you want people to view you as a competent and confident person, first of all, don’t complain about your struggles and challenges. And second, refuse to let people give you advice you never asked for and don’t welcome by following the aforementioned suggestions.

 



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